Title: Welcome To Heartbreak
Pairings: Pin, mentions of Tomapi, Akame and Kamepi
Genre: angst, romance
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I own those guys only in my imagination.
Summary: When he understood meaning of love, he couldn't do nothing, but with time, everything changed.
Notes: So... when I posted this I was very sleepy and pissed off so please be understanding about my typo and everything else
  
     

The first time when Jin met him, was when he entered Jimusho. Famous Yamashita Tomohisa, boy who was younger than Jin and yet already recognized in the entertainment, someone who became everyone’s favorite.

Jin was pissed, but in reality he was jealous. He thought that it would be good if he and Yamapi became friends, because he wasn’t sure, like everybody around, that Yamashita really is so pretentious and stupid. He was glad that as time went by those thoughts disappeared and he got a chance to met the real Yamapi.

Slowly they became friends, really close ones. Jin knew that somewhere was Ikuta, Nishikido or even Takizawa but he didn’t care. When Yamapi was with him and only with him, Jin felt special. Yamapi’s smile, his words were directed at Jin at it made that he thought that he can do everything. With him Yamapi wasn’t the same person as at the work. He was funny, sometimes annoying, carrying about his friend and family. With him Jin felt that he became center of universe.

Yamapi also made that Jin was angry. He was angry when Yamapi met with others, he couldn’t stand the fact that Pi’s affection was for someone else. With passing time he understood that he acted stupid. Jin thought that he was the best, that everything belongs to him, that Yamashita belongs to him. He was an egoist. However that knowledge didn’t help him noticed that life had his own rules and that he’s one of the players and because of that he started falling.

When KAT-TUN was formed, Jin was glad that Kitagawa finally saw his talent. He got his chance to became someone in the world of entertainment, that he can be famous too. Yeah it would be great if he got opportunity to debut with Pi but what could he do. Don’t never look a gift horse in the mouth. Not in the agency.

Constant training, fights with rest of the band… that all made that Jin had less and less time to be with Yamashita, and he missed him, to be silly with him again. Sometimes when Jin had trainings he saw Yamapi, how he laughed with others, that he was happy and free. Jin thought that maybe Yamashita didn’t treat him in the same way like he did and it pissed him off. He tried to made that Yamapi would came to him, that younger one realize that Jin was his best friend. But Pi was like usual, nothing changed and then Jin understood. Pi wasn’t special just for him, he was something magnificent, something important for the other people too and they fought for Yamapi, they didn’t waited like Jin. They acted.

Toma was one of them. Jin knew that Ikuta and Yamapi were together. Everyone knew that. They started in this business together, they were next to themselves since forever. They loved each other.

Jin was glad that Yamapi was happy, that he found someone special. He was really ok with it until he saw them together, kissing at the backstage, holding tight, never letting go. He felt when his chest burned with something dangerous. In that moment Jin caught himself that he loved Yamashita, that he always loved him.

Finally everything became clear. His behavior, his mixed feelings. Jin could breath again. He wasn’t some crazy bastard who thought that he’s almighty, that maybe in some way it wasn’t Jin’s fault, that maybe he could rebuild everything between him and Pi.

Jin tried to achieved it and once again he was with Yamashita, he stood next to his side. Jin remembered that when Yamapi asked him why he changed, he didn’t know what to say. He was scared that if he told the truth, Yamashita would leave him for good. He just couldn’t do that. Pi was happy so how Jin could destroy Yamapi’s relationship, those rare moments of fulfillment. He knew that people thought that he’s stupid, but please, not as that.

Situation changed when Yamapi debuted with NEWS. Toma was mad that Yamashita left 4TOPS, that they never would do this together. Slowly fights between them were almost everyday. They were no longer the same pair, both of them were broken.

This whole debuting problem got good side too. Jin was with Pi all the time, when Yamashita cried on his shoulder, when he told Jin about his anxiety, when they both agreed that Jin could be Yamapi’s distraction from everything else.

Every time Yamashita said “Sorry, I’m so sorry” but Jin wasn’t sorry. He was glad that he’s one step closer to Pi, somewhere where he never been before and where not everyone were allowed to be. So Jin took Pi to his bed. They were even. Yamapi used Jin and Jin used Yamapi. In fact Jin thought that he was in better position, that he got more merits. Yes, sex was great, but because it was Yamapi, because he was able to hold Pi in his arms, because he was the one he loved.

Jin discovered that Yamashita sometimes cried in his sleep. That image broke Jin’s heart. Not enough that he wasn’t brave to confess his feelings, he wasn’t capable to soothe Yamapi’s worries. Jin felt that he was defeated. He sucked as a friend.

Maybe this was the reason why he started clubbing and why he slept with Kamenashi. Maybe he need his own rebound. Jin know that wasn’t the best idea. Kame was his band mate, his friend and if he fuck things up, everything could be destroyed. Jin also knew that his relationship with Kame was different than his with Pi. Kamenashi loved someone, they weren’t just typical fuck buddies but Jin didn’t stop, he still got what he wanted.

Jin couldn’t forget when Yamashita came and hit him It was the first time when Jin saw him so furious. “What the fuck are you doing?” Pi shouted. Jin was pinned against the wall and even if he was older and taller he wasn’t stronger. “Are you so much of yourself that you have to ruin Kame’s life?”

It was after Nobuta thing. Jin saw that Kamenashi and Pi were close, that they became friends. He know that Yamapi was in love with Kame. It wasn’t so hard to guess. Yamashita’s puppy eyes, moments when he shouted Kamenashi’s name when he climaxed on top of Jin were quite a big hint. For Jin… the way he acted, was the only way to keep them apart, even if they would hate him.

After that fight they became like strangers. No more stupid calls in the middle of the night, no more “them”. They still pretended that nothing happened, but it was only on the outside. On the backstage Yamapi never talked to Jin. Akanishi knew that Pi was aware about other people, that Kame wasn’t the only one, he knew that Yamapi couldn’t forgive him much more… that he slept with Toma.

Ryo tried to solve problems between them but when Pi told him about Jin, even he was mad. It hurt, but not the fact about Ryo, Jin didn’t care about that midget, the fact that Yamapi told Ryo was what Jin couldn’t understood. Maybe Pi wanted to see how Jin suffer? Jin already was torn, he didn’t need any more problems.

The news about America was relief, he finally could let go. Even if it was his punishment for quarrels in the agency, he didn’t want to waste his chance. Yamapi was the first who find out about this, he was the only person which he ever wanted tell. Even if their relationship crumbled, they were together pretty long, he felt obligated to tell Pi about his leave.

Jin remember Pi’s reaction, his teary eyes and shaking voice. He thought that he would came in, tell “hi”, moved to important stuff and say “bye”. That was his plan. It never crossed his mind that they would end in bed, all needy and greedy. Of course he was happy. For the first time Yamapi was fully with him, focused on him. He wasn’t just some stepping stone. In that moment there were just the two of them on the whole planet.

When Jin looked at Yamapi’s sleeping figure, suddenly he felt fear. What if it was Pi’s way of saying goodbye, what if it means nothing? He wasn’t sure if he would accept the truth. By all those years of loving Pi, his affection only grew stronger and was his will to live.

He get up from bed, found his clothes and get back to home. Since that night he avoided Yamapi. Jin didn’t had to be at Jimusho so it was much easier. He saw him only at the airport, but they didn’t talk. Pi just looked into Jin’s eyes, moment which looked like eternity. After that he turned around and went into his car. No words, nothing.

Jin couldn’t understood meaning behind that look. He was sure that something was slipping, something important. He had his time. Months in America wasn’t only for fun. He thought about home, about his band, his friends. He thought about Pi, about that last night. He understood that wasn’t just an act, that that was Pi’s way of showing him his feelings. So it was good right? He wasn’t the only one who felt like this, he wasn’t alone any more.

Now he just had to wait for call, for those word “You, come back” but it is always that when you are waiting for something the time passes very slowly.

Jin never contacted Yamapi. He thought that it would be the best when they would talk personally. Calls and mails were insufficient and Jin wanted feel, taste, touch, be.

When he finally came back to Japan, Yamapi wasn’t at the airport. Even if Jin didn’t tell him when he will arrive, he thought that Pi would know about it. When he got into taxi, he didn’t went to his apartment or to his mum, he went to Pi. He was scared like hell because he didn’t know how Pi feels, what was he thinking about them, was there even something like them?

He knocked at the door and waited. When Yamapi finally opened and smiled at Jin, smile that was full of longing and unspoken promises, Jin could just come in, close the door and kissed Pi. He didn’t have to ask the latter about anything when he felt that Pi smiled against his lips.

Yeah, he finally was at home.



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